Have you found a handsome, magnetic, masculine, confident, man? Does he make you weak at the knees and seem almost too good to be true? Is he very complementary? Is he easy to talk with for hours about everything in the world?
Once you meet someone you like, keep the relationship about spending time together in groups and go slow enough that you have time to see the true nature of his character.
Some Christian men have the mistaken idea that marriage is about male superiority. Patriarchy.
They may quote Scripture and sound super duper-spiritual when they talk, but behind the façade of husbandly authority is deep insecurity and pride that can morph into spiritual abuse.
In the case of Mr. I’m In Charge, all the attention and compliments can quickly turn to control in a scary way. And, if you see this, the time to get out of this relationship is n o w! Hopefully before you have commited anything to him.
Trying to identify if your macho man is controlling or not, here are some things to watch for. Ask yourself, does he:
- Talk down to you?
- Tell you what to how to dress, wear makeup, or how to fix your hair, wear as his preference?
- Does he suggest you lose weight or tell you how much to exercise?
- Make demeaning comments about women?
- Tell you you must submit to or obey him?
- Seem to make light of your spiritual gifts?
- Need to verify where you have been and who you have talked to?
- Try to control your schedule?
- Has he ever pushed, grabbed, hit, slap, wrestled roughly with you
These things are not a show of love and godly men do not act this way. A godly man will honor you, your wishes, your body, and words like “no.”
Living with a controlling tyrant man is like being in prison. And, the longer you are there, the more impossible it becomes.
Marriage magnifies faults, it does not make them better. When you plan to marry a man you need to respect, love, and accept him for who he is right now. Don’t expect or hope for him to change.
“A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions,” Proverbs 18:2.
“Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared,” Proverbs 22:24-25.
Pursuing a relationship with a controlling man will only reveal that his need for control and possessiveness will get worse. Don’t get married thinking he will change.